I feel the need to share this.  My patient gave me permission.  I am leaving my current practice after over 12 years.  It is an intense experience of which I will blog more on later.  I am so grateful to my patients and my partners and my staff.  They have been a witness to me of true life and how to live it.  I have learned so much.  Thank you all!  Here is what one of my patients presented to me yesterday as a farewell.  It was on beautiful purple paper, as that is my favorite color.  It was placed lovingly in a purple folder with a picture of me standing in front of my desk, with my lab coat on, and surrounded with scrapbook stickers of all those “medical things” she saw in the office when she would come to see me.

Here is what she wrote:

My Doctor, My Friend

The doctor’s office has been a well known place for me the majority of my life…Born to two nervous…anxious…fearful parents…How could I escape those traits, right?…So just upon entering adulthood… the anxiety took a hold of me…I thought I would die…My heart raced…It seemed I couldn’t breathe…Like being smothered by a pillow…I felt as though I was losing my mind…I couldn’t drive alone…I couldn’t go into public alone…No grocery stores…No going out to eat with family…No “normal life” at all…and I felt like a failure…like Nothing would ever be “ok” again…This began my MANY trips to the doctor…But it seemed for either insurance purposes or maybe not feeling that doctor patient connection…I didn’t stay with any one doctor for any great length of time…

So after several years of different doctor’s the insurance changed again…and as a nervous person…this “of course” always caused me great anxiety…Who would this person be?…Would they understand me?…would they listen to what some would call “crazy” talk…by “just a nervous” person…and discredit any and everything I had to say because of that?…I always dreaded the first meeting with a new doctor…I also immediately always felt on the defense…Like I had to try and prove something and maybe just make them understand that although  I might talk fast and loud at times…It didn’t necessarily mean I belonged on the psyche ward…

So that day was finally here again…My stomach churned as each minute passed by…I knew at least this time my doctor was a woman…and in some small way I was a little relieved…thinking perhaps a woman might understand me a bit more than a man…Many times throughout the years I would sit in the office after the nurse would come to get all my information and read the plaques on the walls…Where they graduated from…How many little certificates they had acquired over the years…Maybe learn a little about who they were…but mostly I would spend the time in prayer…asking God to Please let this doctor listen to me…Don’t just look at me as an anxious person and chalk it up to another “stressed out” individual who most likely would be better off at the nearest psychologist’s office…Because although I was anxious…there were several different times I really did have something wrong…and I just wanted to be heard and get the issue addressed.

Just about the time I started looking at this new doctor’s plaques I heard the knock on the door…This cute petite lady entered and introduced herself as Dr. Reardon…and the very first thing that entered my mind was “Oh Dear God…she looks so young…and though she might be a nice person…she won’t have a clue as to how to help me and since she can’t possibly have much experience in medicine yet…How will I ever be able to trust what she has to say?”…But I was there and at the time didn’t have any choice in the matter…She was my new doctor and so I needed to try and get used to her…and hopefully learn to trust her medical opinions…

At first it was the usual check ups…for colds…or flu…look in my throat and ears…listen to me breathe…maybe get some blood work done…then send me home with an antibiotic…If I wasn’t better in a few days come back…but also during these first visits…I was getting to know the lady that was my doctor…There was always one thing that stood out to me each time she’d walk into the room…She always had a smile on her face when greeting me…Not just a fake doctor smile…”the kind that says…what are you here for today…let’s get this one out of here quick and move on to the next” kind of smile…a real sweet genuine smile that said she cared…and really wanted my health better…I found it comforting and it made me feel more at ease with her each time…It wasn’t long and I knew that God had placed me with her for good reason…Each time I’d need to see the doctor it became less and less stressful for me…because I now felt comfortable knowing the kind of doctor she was…If she felt she didn’t know the answer to my problems…she was never too “big headed” enough to have me go elsewhere…where perhaps an expert would be able to help me…if I was scared or anxious about a procedure…she would always be sure to lessen those fears by letting me know she’d talk to the person in charge and it would be ok…Her calming nature always seemed to put me at ease…It always struck me a bit funny that upon entering the doctor’s office my blood pressure would be high…and after taking it often times again on the way out…It was back to normal…She has “to me” what I like to call a quiet soul…In all my years of seeing her…I never heard her raise her voice…though I often times did…She’s heard me cry…scream…complain…moan…groan..rant and rave about almost everything…and not once made me feel like I was a bother or had any less right being there than the next person…Unless a person has had a panic/anxiety disorder before…they have no idea what having a doctor like this means…and in my opinion many doctor’s could take a lesson from her…

After many years with the same doctor…she not only knew my health issues…but for the most part everything about my life…She saw me through some dark periods…where depression would set in and I would just need to cry…She would roll her chair over to where I was sitting and look me in the eye and reassure me that everything would be ok…It seemed more times than not she was my doctor and my therapist rolled into one…I could be consumed with worry and fear of one thing or another and after leaving her office I felt as though I could handle whatever it was that was bothering me…It seemed she just had a way of making everything better…

For once I had finally known a doctor who tried the very best she could to understand me and all my craziness…and not judge me or look down on me because of it…So when the day came that she told me she would be moving and wasn’t going to be my doctor anymore…It was as if I had picked up a copy of the local newspaper and read that one of my good friends had passed away…After all that is the way I see her…As not only my doctor…but my friend…In explaining her decision as to why she would be leaving…She told me that God was calling her somewhere else…So although it’s not the way I would like it to be…I’m definitely not going to argue with what God wants…

I’ll miss my doctor greatly…her helpful…caring…kindness has been a blessing in my life…and no matter how many more doctor’s I’ll have…no one will be able to fill the void there will be when she is gone…I pray wherever her journey takes her and her family…she finds much success and happiness…

I often times wonder if she realizes how many lives she’s touched?…If she knows just how good of a doctor she is?…If she truly understands how much she is appreciated?…I pray she does…because then I think she could say her life’s work was all worth it when it’s all said and done…

Blessings on you and yours…as you continue whatever God has in store for you…”

WELL, that is what this patient gave me yesterday.  I thank her so much.

She has touched my soul deeply and refueled my passion for the true art of being a healer.  In all my attempts to heal her, in fact, she is the one one healing me!